DO YOU FEEL TIRED OF ALWAYS CARRYING THE HEAVY LOAD?

Do you catch yourself constantly taking on new tasks even though you don't have the energy for it? Do you feel guilty if you say no when asked?

Why is it so hard to respect your own needs and set healthy boundaries to take care of your health?

It may have to do with the need for validation from others in order to maintain self-esteem. A deep-seated feeling of having no worth as a person can lead to overachievement as a compensatory pattern. But it becomes difficult for such a person when the pattern can no longer be sustained. One can push oneself so hard to maintain a position of capability that they can no longer cope. The air goes out of them and they feel lost - there is no well-founded self-esteem to fall back on. It often comes as a complete surprise to others who have always seen the person in question as the strong one who can handle everything.

So, what can be done to strengthen genuine self-esteem that is not dependent on external validation?

There are many ways to strengthen deeper self-esteem, such as Mindfulness, CBT, and other forms of therapy that can be very helpful in this process.

For example, try consistently asking for time to consider before saying yes when someone asks if you want to do something. Do this regardless of whether you know you want to or not.

Phrases that often work well are:

• That sounds nice, but can I get back to you in half an hour?

• So interesting, can I get back to you in a while when I know how I feel?

• I need to think about that, can I sleep on it and get back to you?

The purpose of this exercise is to not automatically respond with your habitual yes, but rather give yourself a moment to reflect and really feel if this is what you want and can handle right now. If you are consistent in doing this for a week, you will discover a new ability in yourself that you enjoy. Over time, it will become natural for you to take time to consider, which is the first and most important step towards respecting your own needs and feelings.

In Basic Body Awareness Therapy there are many good physical exercises to further reinforce healthy boundaries. In my book, “Regaining Balance, the Swedish Healthcare Method to Reduce Stress, Anxiety and Pain", in the section "Learn to set healthy boundaries," you will find several such exercises and also exercises for thoughts and feelings that will facilitate the process for you.